Long Tunnel

Life feels like I'm traveling through a long, dark tunnel.  This application process is crippling me, mentally and emotionally.  February is coming to an end, and before I know it, March will be over too.  Typically, if an applicant doesn't hear back by late Feb/early March, then that med school is a no-go.  So far, I've had one interview, 5 rejections, and 5 pending.  Seeing as tomorrow is March 1st, my chances aren't looking good.  Not good at all.

My family and friends keep telling me to stay strong and keep my head up.  They say don't worry, but how can I not worry?  This is my life.  This is my future.  Why is God doing this?  Does He hear my prayers?  Is He listening?

I think my biggest fear is God saying "No" to med school.  What am I supposed to do then?  What is His plan for me?  I know His plan is a good one and that I shouldn't worry.  I think I'm just scared His plan isn't the one I have in mind.  I don't know what to do.

My parents have been so supportive of me throughout this whole journey.  I had dinner with them last night and was overwhelmed with how much compassion and love they have for me.  I don't deserve any of it.  They were discussing alternatives such as getting a technician job at WashU for a year, going into pharmacy, going to grad school, and other medical related jobs that would require more schooling.  Normally, all this 'alternatives' talk would discourage me, but not this time.  No, this time all I heard was, "We will support and love you no matter what you decide to do."  Wherever I go, whatever I do, my parents will stand behind me through it all.  Nothing can describe how grateful I am for them.  They are truly my greatest blessing.  I hope to grow up to be just as amazing as them.

Thank you, God.  Thank you for showing me what I've been missing for the past couple months; thank you for making me realize that my parents haven't been telling me I'm not good enough, rather that they've been telling me I AM good enough.  No matter how hard this journey is, I will keep my head up and continue to seek what You are trying to show me.  There is always light at the end of the tunnel.