Reminiscence

In light of recent situations, I've been doing a lot of reminiscing...

I remember when I was in elementary school.  All I had to worry about was being top-dog at times table tests.

I remember when I was in middle school.  All I had to worry about was making good grades.

I remember when I was in high school.  All I had to worry about was getting into college.  Well, a good one.

And now I'm a senior at Mizzou.  What do I have to worry about now?  My future career.  Getting into med school.  Backup plans if med school doesn't work out.  Relationships.  My resume.  And so much more.  Thinking about all this is pretty overwhelming, but I'm surprisingly not worried.  Luckily, God has given me peace of mind at the moment.

I've also been thinking about relationships.  I've blogged about this before, but it was more aimed toward monogamous relationships.  I've been reflecting on relationships between friends.  There's that familiar quote, "Friends come and go, but [end phrase varies]."  Kinda sucks, doesn't it?  How friendships can go from being strong and tight to distant and weak within a couple months, to the point where that friend is almost like an acquaintance, or even a stranger.  It's the worst when this happens to a really close friend, or best friend, if you will. I'm not saying it's happened to me, but I feel like it's in the process of happening.  I've been trying to prevent it, but there's only so much one person can do.  After all, relationships are two-sided.  They just absolutely do not work if only one person is putting out the effort.

Luckily, God has blessed me with many close friends that I can turn to in times like these, and I am so thankful for them.  I just pray that God will help me mend this other friendship.

Anyway, Thanksgiving is coming up soon!  I've already been eating constantly during break, and I LOVE IT! Hahaha.  Okie, I'm gonna head to bed.  God bless!

I'm getting bad at this...

I haven't been keeping up with these blogs... whoopsie :/

Welp, that may be because not much has happened since last Wednesday.  Other than rearranging my room, that is.

Wait, no, I take that back.  Something has happened.  I've decided to start taking a day of Sabbath every week.  What inspired this decision??  Well, let me tell you!  Haha, why am I such a cornball...

ANYWAY, this past Sunday we had a Core meeting.  If you don't know, the Core is a group within Asian Christian Fellowship (ACF) that focuses on missional leadership and advancing one's spiritual life and relationship with God.  And at this core meeting, we practiced "Sabbath-ing."  Basically, Adam (our staff worker) brought a crap ton of fun stuff to Steven's Lake Park.  We had a campfire, s'mores, hot dogs, a TV with old school SEGA hooked up, a laptop for movies, football, baseball and gloves, and sleeping bags (for those who like to nap :P).

So, during our Sabbath time, I ate s'mores and just enjoyed the company with my fellow Core-mates.  It was a really nice time of relaxation that I needed because I'd been studying all day for a Thermo test on Monday.  Probably the most important part of my mini Sabbath was my Jesus time.  Basically what I did was walk around the lake and spend time with Him.  You know, praying and listening.  Just really taking time to appreciate everything He has given me and all the opportunities he provides me with daily, most of which I take for granted.  This is getting a bit long...

I guess what I'm trying to say is, for all of you out there who feel burnt out or tired, take that day of rest every week.  I only had about an hour and a half of it and it did wonders for me; think what a day could do.  It'll be like a treat to look forward to every week.  Do things you enjoy; things that give you life.  Most importantly, DO NOT think about anything that will bog you down.  All of that should leave your mind.  No worrying on your Sabbath!  As for me, I haven't quite decided which day I will have mine on.  I'm thinking from Friday 5pm - Saturday 5pm.

I've made the decision to have a Sabbath.  Have you?  ;)

HARRY POTTER

HI!

It's been a while, eh?  Well, here's an update!

Praise Jesus for pulling me through my small emotional rut I was in last week!  What did I say about God answering prayers?  Eh?  Eh?? ;)

What else is new?  Not too much, school-wise.  I have another Thermo test coming up.  I think that'll be my last test until finals. WHOAAAA!

Thanksgiving break is in about a week and a half!  WOOT!  I really can't wait.  I'll get to be home for a week.  A week full of relaxation, eating, and sleeping :).  Now that's the life haha.  And I'll get to see my brother, who I haven't seen since this summer.  AND my aunt and uncle are coming down from Michigan.  I don't even remember the last time I saw them... I think it's been 2-3 years?

I must say, I really enjoy Thanksgiving.  Not just because of the DELICIOUS food, but because it's a time for families to come together and really reflect on everything they're thankful for.  All the little things in life that we take for granted.  I've already blogged about this, but still, a whole holiday devoted to giving thanks.  We need more of that.

Harry Potter 7, Part I is coming out next week! AHHHHHHH ASJDKFLJSI!!  My friends and I are going to the 12:30 showing... I know, we didn't get the midnight ones (they were sold out).  BUT, nevertheless, it will be just as AWESOME!  We have a plan >:) and it involves us going to the front of the theater screen.  That's all I will say for now :P teehee.

OKIE, I think I'm like on some sort of sugar high.  Probably from tonight's dessert.  Gonna try to go to bed nowwww.  GOODBYE, WORLD!

Empty

So, today was like any other day.  I went to class, ate, napped, ate, did homework, ate, and did some more homework.  But while in the middle of doing some homework with a friend, I was overwhelmed with an extreme feeling of emptiness.  It was really weird... well, is really weird because I still feel it now.  Nothing has gone wrong that I know of; actually, everything is great.  So why do I feel so empty?  Is it because I'm not close to family?  Is it because of the awful events that have happened this semester to people around me?  Is it because of a lack of having a significant other?  Or is it because I haven't studied the Bible for a while?

Whatever it is, I hope I can overcome it.  This feeling of emptiness... I don't like it.  I don't feel like myself.  While doing my homework, I suddenly became very apathetic about completing it.  I mean, yes, the homework is awful and I hate it because the class is horrible, but I usually make an effort to finish it... Or at least I want to finish it.  No, this time I just didn't care.  I still don't care that it's not done.  I need to shake this off.  I'll pray for guidance, strength and peace of mind.  Hopefully, God will answer my prayers.  No, I take that back.  He will answer my prayers; He always does.

Halloween Weekend!

Hey guys!

Well, I'll post some pictures from this weekend to start this thing off :)

Before the semi-formal

:)

Roomies :D

I... was a... rockstar

Errbody who stayed til the end!

Twas a fun weekend, indeed!  I'm sad it's over :( but it's time to come back to reality.

Today started off like any other Sunday... well, except I missed church.  Lord, forgive me.  I had finished my Thermodynamics homework, which was a huge pain (more than usual), lazed around for a while, ate some Chinese food and went to a friend's house.  I'd say it was a pretty normal day.  I like days like these; they're chill and relaxed... kinda go-with-the-flow type days.  BUT, of course something has to go wrong... of course.

I really don't want to seem whiny or anything, but I did not get the venting session I needed today (for reasons out of my control).  So, here goes... I get very annoyed with flakiness.  Actually, it's one of my pet peeves (along with complaining).  No names will be mentioned, as usual.  People who know me know that it takes a lot to piss me off... a lot... or a lot of build-up.  Many times, if I start to get mad at someone, I will re-asses the situation to make sure I'm not overreacting about a small issue.  Well, I did that in this situation.  Have you ever been in any situation(s) where a friend, family member, co-worker, etc. makes some plan(s) with you but repeatedly "bails out"?  And I'm not talking about just once or twice because the first couple times should be fine... you know, you can let it slide.  But when it becomes frequent is when anger and tension arise.  I'm someone who takes promises and agreements very seriously.  If someone agrees to plans with me, I expect him/her to stick with those plans.  I mean, that's what I do.  Is it wrong for me to expect the same in return?  Because if it is, please let me know... I'm about 99.9999999 % sure it isn't wrong.  

I need to stop this rant now, even though I could go on for pages.  I haven't even gotten to the initiation of reconciliation yet.  Ohhhh buddy, that's a biggy too.  Being the person who always initiates reconciliation?  Yeah, that's me.  I'm sure others can relate to me when I say, IT GETS OLD.  AKLSDJFEISK!!!

You know what?  I just need to pray about it.  I need strength and guidance from God.  If you're reading this and are a believer (even if you're not and would like to help), please pray for my strength and guidance in these situations.  Ask that God gives me patience, understanding and forgiveness.  Pray that I am slow to anger, more so than I am now.  I hate being mad... I really really hate it, the feeling of animosity.

Relationships

Friends, family, significant others.  All relationships we build over our lifetime.  Communication, trust, loyalty, emotions, opinions, and more are all building blocks, if you will, of relationships.  Some relationships may rely more heavily on certain building blocks.  Personally, mine are heavily dependent on trust, loyalty, and communication.  What are yours dependent on?  Just something to ponder.

The reason I bring relationships up is because someone I care very deeply about just broke up with his/her significant other.  I don't want to disclose who it is because I don't have permission.  Needless to say, they are now "just friends."

Just friends... We hear that phrase so often, and for some reason it usually has a negativity to it.  What is so bad about being just friends?  Friends are good.  They're great... amazing.  I guess that next level of intimacy is much more satisfying than being... just friends.

Just friends... Hmm.  Have you ever been in that predicament?  I think most of us have.  I have.  It's not bad though.  It's just... different.  This whole event brings a question to my mind: Do I want to be in a relationship?  You know what?  I'm not sure.  There are many times when I wish I was in one, but other times I don't.  Yes, it would be nice to have someone already there to confide in, but do I have enough time for one?  This has been an issue that's been on my heart for a decent time now.  In the end, I know that God has a plan for me, so I try not to dwell on it too much.

Hearing the news about the break-up from someone so close to me has made me realize how fragile we are.  How fragile our relationships are.  How fragile our emotions are.  But hey, whenever something unexpected or unfortunate happens, the same phrase always comes to mind: "Everything happens for a reason."  No matter how hard we try to control our lives, how much we want to have stable relationships, it's just not in our control.  We may not know why these unfortunate events happen, but it is for the better.  Don't worry, all of our questions will be answered in time.  God has everything under control.

I'll end with a very powerful excerpt from The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe by C. S. Lewis because I think it relates well to what I'm talking about...

"Is - is he a man?" asked Lucy

"Aslan a man!" said Mr. Beaver sternly. "Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of the wood and the son of the great Emperor-Beyond-the-Sea. Don't you know who is the King of Beasts? Aslan is a lion, the Lion, the great Lion."

"Ooh," said Susan, "I thought he was a man. Is he - quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion."

"That you will, dearie, and make no mistake," said Mrs. Beaver; "if there's anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they're either braver than most or else just silly."

"Then he isn't safe?" said Lucy.

"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver; "don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the king I tell you."

Gumbo

NOM NOM NOM. Shannon made gumbo for dinner tonight.  It was sooo delicious - I've never had gumbo before.  She also made cornbread... I LOVE cornbread!  Btw, I fail at making non-Asian rice.

So, today was the big day!  I had my first interview for med school at Mizzou. YAHOOO!  I think it went pretty well.  There was only one question that kinda stumped me.  The whole process was a bit surreal to me.  I mean, I've been in the med school so many times, but this time was so different.  It was like I was a visitor... even though I knew the place well.  They took us on a tour of the place, provided us with lunch, and went through financial aid shtuff (yayyy... NOT).  In the middle of the tour, it kinda just hit me.... Wow, I'm actually on my way to accomplishing my dream.  No joke, this has been my dream for as long as I can remember.  I've always wanted to be a doctor, and it's slowly... becoming... real... This sounds familiar.  I feel like I've already blogged about that... Shoot. Aksjfoewasdkfjs.  Sorry...

Okay, moving on... These past couple days have made me realize how truly blessed I am.  I'm so thankful for everything God has given me: my friends, family, education, food, housing, health, opportunities, etc.  Yesterday I came home to an obscene amount of sugar cookies on my desk with a good luck message from Meeeechelle (picture below).  COMPLETELY made my day :))).  Then, throughout last night and today I was receiving good luck texts and prayers for my interview.  Each text made me more and more grateful for everyone in my life.  I must say, it was a great day.

I encourage everyone who reads this blog to count their blessings.  Set some time out to really thank God for everything He has provided for us.  I mean, I wouldn't be ALIVE if it weren't for Him.  None of us would be... So praise Jesus :)